Kyah's Story: Breastfeeding for Two

Welcome back! We’re so excited to be sharing another story in our BIPOC Family Series. The BIPOC Family Series serves to highlight a birthing parent of color as we believe sharing stories are important in creating community, access, and connection. Our hope is to share authentic stories to highlight black and brown voices and not just the disparities, but the joys too! Parents are given several questions and asked to be as honest and transparent as possible as they share their very unique experience. Today we’re talking to Kyah.  She’s a 24 year old mother of two and a full-time college student based in Mississippi! She’s pursuing a bachelor's degree in psychology! As always, we want to uplift her in love and light. Enjoy her story!

Angel: What was your first experience with Breastfeeding? Did you have much information about breastfeeding beforehand?

Kyah: I knew a little about breastfeeding - just from personal research. I research information for my own personal information. So, I knew some of the terminology. I knew about latch, let-down reflex and that Oxytocin is released during feedings. I mainly knew the terminology and that breastfeeding was controversial. I knew that women can get arrested or suffer consequences just from breastfeeding. But, that was about as much knowledge as I knew about it. My mother breastfed me as a child, but it’s been 24 years, so it was hard for her to recall much.

Angel: Did you feel as if breastfeeding was generational for your family? Did you feel influenced by your mother breastfeeding you as an infant?

Kyah: No, not really. That was the one thing I wanted to make sure I did as a mother. My mother didn’t talk about her breastfeeding journey as much. She said, “ I breastfed you and it was fine”  It was mostly something I wanted to do personally. I inhaled research while I was pregnant, so I would hopefully not have many issues starting out. My first pregnancy was considered high-risk because I had low iron, so I was going to the health department like every month meeting with their high-risk nurse and I was also talking to a lactation specialist and a nutrition specialist before I even had her, to make sure I was healthy. I visited both once a month. I could not stand meat my whole pregnancy and essentially became a vegetarian during that time. The specialists were doing everything to increase my iron levels for my first pregnancy by changing the foods that I ate.And then once I had my baby girl they came to do a house check, just to check on me, and check weight and everything. 

Angel: Did you feel as if the prenatal visits were beneficial in helping you to diffuse any anxieties and gain knowledge?

Kyah: Yes! My OB and the high-risk nurse were very helpful! They were actually working in different facilities and never communicated directly, but the information given to me was uniform and there was never any miscommunications. I felt very seen and heard by my providers which made my transition to motherhood much easier.

Angel: Did you have Black providers?

Kyah: I didn't. I had white providers. For my daughter it was a white OBGYN and it was an Indian guy who delivered her, and for my son I ended up having an emergency C-section so I had a black female doctor who ended up delivering him.  

Angel: That’s wonderful, that you’ve experienced such great providers! Many black and brown birthing parents or people in general express that they don’t find many providers that look like them. Evidence shows that clients feel increased trust, less cynicism, and more of a willingness to receive preventative care from providers that look like them. Due to the systematic inequalities in the medical field, and in this context, the maternal health field, it would be beneficial, if not critical, to diversify the field to diminish the increased gap in care for black and brown birthing people.

Angel: Following your regular meeting with your OBGYN, nutritionist, lactation specialist, and your in-home consultation - what was breastfeeding like for you?

Kyah: : I had problems with her latching on. She had a kind of a tongue tie, but the doctor referred to it as a lip tie. It was on her gums, and so she would get really frustrated because she couldn’t latch on and since it was new for both of us, I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. We had to actually go to a ENT about it to see if they wanted to remove it, but they actually left it there. It kind of on its own went down a little bit, causing less and less problems. I just had to work around getting her to get used to the lip tie on her gums. But that's the one thing that kind of caused frustration in the beginning. That’s with both babies because he also has the same problems. So I have problems with latching on, but if I need to pump it out for a day and pump it into a bottle for them I will, but I have to work through it for them quickly because they get frustrated as they’re very aggressive eaters. 

Angel: I’m sure this  was a learning curve for both of you and I know it took endurance and strength. You said your son had a lip tie as well, how was the experience with him?

Kyah:  With my son,it felt more stressful in the beginning only because his lip tie was a little worse. It was actually affecting his ability to grab onto the nipple, and I had spoken to his pediatrician about it and she was like ‘Yeah, that could be a problem.’ And we went to the same ENT doctor and they were like ‘No, we’re not going to clip it; it’s not as major as you would think.’ They didn’t want to have to do surgery and clip it. Because the way his is, there’s a risk it could grow back. So she said ‘We’ll just let it, we’ll just look at it over the next few months and see how it is.’ But he had more problems latching on. Because his is more pronounced. My daughter’s is up on the top of her lip and his sticks out under his gums. So he had really bad problems latching on. He is more of an aggressive eater than her, so he will get really upset if he doesn’t get the milk right away. And I’m sitting here trying to help him latch on. But I did introduce the bottle earlier to him, because I felt like that would help him actually grip onto the nipple better. Which I feel like has worked, because now he latches on right away. He still has some problems where if he is too frustrated he doesn’t latch on, but for the most part he latches on. 

Angel:  I understand. I love the number of supportive measures you were taking! Breastfeeding challenges can happen for a number of reasons, and support is so necessary. I know it had to be super frustrating not knowing what was happening for you and baby during that time frame. Often, tongue and lip ties are a bit tricky and do require an assessment from both an experienced LC and ENT professional to determine the need for a frenotomy, which is a quick procedure to release the tie. And, furthermore, finding the right ENT specialist or Pediatric dentist that has an understanding of the relationship between a tongue/lip tie and breastfeeding, the impact it can have and the skills to assess and treat it if need be is even paramount.  However, in your case, you all used a bit of techniques to continue feeding and were successful - that’s awesome to hear. You also chose alternatives for feeding your little one which is absolutely okay. I’m so glad you were able to meet your feeding goals.

Kyah:  Yeah, my team of providers were super supportive. I am still in contact with my current LC, I can contact her whenever I have questions or concerns and she’s always responsive!

Kyah: My family also gives me much support. Upon thinking about it, I think it is generational because my aunt also breastfed and nobody in my family is against it, really. They don’t shame it or anything like that. My mom supports, my aunt, my sisters all know I breastfeed, my stepdad. Pretty much everyone in my immediate circle knows I breastfeed, and they don’t have anything to say about it. They’re just like ‘Baby needs to eat!’ Or they’ll say ‘Where’s the bottle?’ Or something like that. 

Angel: That’s encouraging to hear! There is a bit of stigma and shame surrounding breastfeed/chestfeeding in black community. These are fueled by tainted, complicated histories that included unequal access to bottles and formula, being forced to feed non-black children and abstain from feeding our own, lack of resources, education, trusted providers and support. These examples barely scratch the surface of why breastfeeding may not be positively viewed in the Black community. Why there may seem to be such a gap in both the duration and the initiation of breastfeeding in our community. We’ve said it before - there is a need for increased accessibility within our community to spread awareness and to continue to change the narrative and create positive association for more families about breast/chestfeeding. 

Kyah: I’ve heard that, I’ve been watching Youtube videos to help up my milk supply because I did start a breastmilk stash. And this lady was saying how so many Black ladies in her community they do not look at breastfeeding as good or anything like that. And I was just like ‘What?’ I’ve never heard that! I’m glad to have not encountered that because that’s so heartbreaking.  Bringing awareness and positively highlighting the breastfeeding experience is so important. That’s why when people ask questions, like my sisters, I always tell them what I’m doing, what’s going on, because I don’t mind informing people about it. They’re open to learning. My sisters will say ‘What are you doing?’ Or ‘Why is he holding your hand?’ And I just tell her ‘That’s how he eats.’ Even my daughter, my 3-year old, says ‘He needs some breast milk, Mommy.’ And we just caught her 2 days ago trying to breastfeed her baby doll. She said ‘I’m feeding the baby!’ It’s hilarious.

Angel: Oh my goodness, cuteness overload! You are doing the work that’s needed for sure.

Angel: I know that you were working or attending school a bit after your first little one. Tell me a bit about your experience returning to school/work with a newborn?

Kyah: It was really stressful. My mom always asked me about it -- that with my first daughter -- I keep telling her that the whole motherhood was not stressful -- I take that in stride; I always knew that I wanted to have kids. Nursing school was stressful in itself, because I had my daughter in June and I started nursing school in July. So when I went back to school she was a month old. This was my first time being a mom and my first time being in nursing school. We had 8-hour days, we had to be there all-day. They would give us a 1-hour break and I would go home and pump on my break, or breastfeed on my break, and then come back to school. I even told my teachers, I was like ‘Is there somewhere I can pump up herebecause I’m going to be here all day and I’m going to need to pump because I’m going to get engorged?’ And they were like ‘Um, no we don’t have a place like that.’ 

Kyah: And the crazy thing is that they were Black teachers, Black instructors. They were Black ladies and they were literally giving me this stink eye. They were like ‘We don’t have a place like that; we have a closet but it’s locked.’ And I did not want to pump in a closet. She was looking at me crazy, like ‘This is a college campus. We don’t have any room like that.’ So when they said that, that’s when I made up my mind that between 12 and 1 was our lunch hour, I would go home. I live like 2 minutes away from school. I would go home, I would come here and pump as much as I could, because it’s been like 4 hours already. My breasts are already getting really full. And I naturally have bigger breasts so they’re going to hurt even more. And then when clinicals started, they only gave us 15-minute breaks. And I was like ‘I can’t pump anything in 15 minutes.’ So I would try to wait the whole out, go home, my breasts were like rocks, and I’m sitting there like ‘I need to put some heat on my breasts before I do anything else because they’re just hurting.’  I kept telling my mom, “‘My breasts hurt so bad.’ I know she heard that comment like every single day.I realized I could not do this for another 3 or 4 months of like this ending my breastfeeding journey with her. I was so upset about it.

Angel:  I’m so sorry you experienced this Kyah. That brings us back to the issue of the stigma in our community and the NEED for education and support. Although, we do hear a good bit of birthing parents having similar experiences in the workplace/public spaces. There are laws in place for breastfeeding parents and acknowledgement that there should be allocated safe spaces for parents to pump when need be, but still barriers persist. Birthing parents find that there is a lack of support in the workplace. It should not be the responsibility of the parent to have to demand fair and equal treatment as birthing parents make up quite a bit of the percentage of the workforce. Kyah’s experience exemplifies just how devastating and discouraging it could be. There are many questions by experts as to why the duration of breastfeeding in the US often does not surpass 6 months or even less and this is one of the reasons why. Birthing parents need support in many spaces including the workplace. One big tip for all parents is to know their rights, and about the resources available through their workplace because it may not be mentioned to you, and being prepared to advocate. Reproductive justice alliance and support groups might also be beneficial in finding more resources to mitigate these oppressive circumstances.

Angel: Circling back to an earlier part of the conversation, you had to switch to supplementing with formula due to your work environment. What was that like for you?

Kyah:I’ve never had any bad feelings about it,  but I personally didn’t want to have to use it unless I had to. Since I was starting to work at the hospital for nursing school, I had to supplement with formula only because I couldn’t pump as much as I wanted during the day. And with her I didn’t have a really good supply. I had enough to make it two, three days at a time. So, I breastfed her exclusively for 6 months and following the issues with work -  we started introducing foods and she went to formula during the day while I was at school. While I came home, I would breastfeed her.My baby girl also had really bad acid reflux. She had gerds, so we had to switch out different milks, and we ended up going with one of the gentle ease formulas. We had to switch to 3 different formulas, so I’m glad I had WIC to help with that because I didn’t want to keep buying all of those formulas and I didn’t know what worked yet. That’s one thing that was stressful, because breastmilk works for all babies but you have to literally find what formula doesn’t upset her stomach.

Angel: For our readers, WIC is a federally funded program that aims to safeguard the health of birthing parents, infants,and children by providing foods to supplement diets, information, and referrals/access to care. Formula is a viable option for parents who can’t breast/chestfeed for any number of reasons. Often parents feel shame or guilt associated with choosing to formula feed, but as we can see there are still barriers in our society that don’t always support exclusive breastfeeding. Consult your pediatrician to help you choose a formula that works for all. Contact a lactation consult to discuss your feeding goals, and please do know that whatever you decide to do for you, your infant, and your family is your choice and is absolutely ok.. 

Angel :But Kyah, I’m so proud of you for making the decision that was best for you and your baby. That’s great for your babygirl, and impressive that you managed during your busy schedule. What were some of the takeaways from your breastfeeding experience? 

Kyah: Yeah, just kind of learning everything new and I think, as with all first-time moms, I kind of listened to what a lot of people told me, as far as not pumping right away, ‘You don’t want your baby to get nipple confusion with the bottle and your breast.’ If I would’ve pumped right away and had a stash built up, I wouldn’t feel so bad about stopping when I did. So I kind of switched that around this time around with my second baby. I pumped like within a week of being home from the hospital. When he was 1-month old, I had 30 bottles of milk in the freezer just in case.

Kyah: I am just a pumping machine. My sister was like ‘My friend up the street, she needs breast milk for her baby.’ I was like ‘What?’ Her mom was watching her baby and she was like ‘My granddaughter needs breast milk, does anyone have breast milk? She does not like this formula.’ And we were all laughing about it and she [my sister] was like ‘I think she’s serious, Kyah.’ And so I literally drove right up the street, gave her a bag of breast milk, and she was like ‘I’m trying to help my daughter, she’s not pumping enough milk, what do I tell her?’ And I was like ‘Drink a glass of water, a whole lot of water. She still needs to eat like she’s pregnant, like eat the extra 500 calories and stuff like that. But drink a lot of water.’ And then she texted me the next day saying ‘Can I get a few more bags just to hold me over til the weekend?’ I was like ‘Sure!’

Angel: Wow, you are creating community in your own way. Milk sharing is definitely a viable alternative when a birthing parent may not produce enough milk for their infant, or just may be unable to bodyfeed for their little one. Milk sharing is seen in a few ways through informal giving, such as Kyah’s wonderful experience. Wet nursing, directly breastfeeding another child, or HMBANA milk banks.  HMBANA milk banks are certified milk banks that screen donors to donate their milk for babies that are in need of them. They pasteurize the milk and distribute them to depots, such as The Breastfeeding Center, to distribute the milk to little ones in need. There is no right or wrong way to feed your little one as long as your feeding goals are met and you are satisfied that is all that matters.

Kyah: I’ve heard about donating to milk banks but I’ve never produced enough milk to do that until now, feeding two babies.

Angel: That’s beautiful. If you or someone you know ever has a surplus of milk and would like to be a donor, please feel free to reach out to contact a Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) certified milk “bank.” They provide milk for a variety of infants with varying situations mentioned above including medically fragile infants. The Breastfeeding Center in DC has collected 130,635 ounces - which is a lot of milk for the infants that do need it!

Angel: I’ve so enjoyed hearing your story and sharing virtual space with you for a bit. I have two more questions for you - Do you have any worries or anxieties about breastfeeding during this time? 

Kyah: Yeah, I think the only problem I’ll probably encounter, not problem but situation, is breastfeeding in public. Because of my daughter, I was so conscious about ‘Oh, let me cover up so this person doesn’t see my breasts,’ but with him I’m just like ‘I don’t care if I cover up or not.’ He’s got to eat, and I shouldn’t have to be worried about a cover-up. And besides, he kicks a lot when he’s eating, so I know it’s going to come right off. Which I haven’t had to deal with since I’ve been mostly at home because of quarantine, but I was just like ‘If I have to breastfeed him in public and not cover-up, fine.’ I’m not worried about that right now.

Angel: Breastfeeding in public is legal in all 50 states. You can nurse wherever/whenever your baby is hungry, including on both private and public establishments. As birthing parents, Federal regulations are on your side in that regard. If someone approaches you in any capacity, it is helpful to know your rights and stand your ground. It may be helpful to have something you can reference in those situations, but by all means, you have a right to breastfeed wherever you’d like. Normalizing breastfeeding in public spaces is an ongoing process; the need for the public to support birthing parents' choice to feed their baby is paramount. But, yes Kyah, be bold and confident in the spaces you frequent. You have every right to feed your little one!

Kyah: Yes! Another worry for me is I am still a full-time student. My school is talking about having students return to class. I’ve maxed out on all my online classes, and most of my classes are on campus this semester.And I’m just like, ‘I for one want to do campus houses because I have babies.’ On campus will not work for me, I'm really needing them to make some changes because I can’t be the only one in situations like this. Also, my mother has had respiratory issues, my sister has asthma, and I was pregnant when this all started, so we were all very high-risk. I’m nervous that if I return back to school or go out someplace - I'll bring COVID home to my baby or family and not know it. Especially for my newborn,  I don’t really know how his immune system will react, I don’t know how strong his immune system would be.. 

Angel: There is a lot to unpack there. Many parents are experiencing similar anxieties and are having to take increased sanitation measures, or even time away from their children when applicable to quarantine separately when/if symptoms arise or exposure has happened. But, this has not been a realistic scenario for most parents as the world begins to open back up. Many parents, especially from BIPOC communities have been disproportionately affected by COVID-19 and not receiving adequate access to care. Families all over are experiencing increased anxieties during this time, and trying to decide what steps will be most beneficial for them and their little ones.  But, like Kyah, may not have the option to stay home. Staying informed and up to date on policies and procedures may help during this time to help mitigate the anxieties, and make the decision that works best for you and your family. Unfortunately, there is still very much to learn about COVID-19, but we are doing the very best we can and that’s commendable. 

Angel: Additionally, we are seeing an upward trend in breastfeeding for parents during this pandemic. Studies have shown that parents are more committed to body feeding/pumping for their child. Since human breast/chest milk is considered a living substance, the milk will adjust to the needs of the little ones - sending invaluable nutrients and antibodies protecting the infant from many illnesses. During this time taking precautions and having a supportive healthcare team, including an LC, may be helpful in deciding what feeding goals are the most realistic and efficient for you and your little one and to mitigate and discuss any anxieties or concerns you may have during this time.

Angel: What would you say to future parents or even like pregnant birthing parents thinking about breastfeeding? 

Kyah: I would say to do research for yourself. You can listen to other people’s advice but you don’t have to feel the need to take it all. Don’t feel like you have to do what they say. So I would first say to do your own research before you have a baby, because that’s when you have more time to kind of research so you can have all the baby-mommy bonding time to yourself. Do your own research, have a lot of patience. It’s a very new and frustrating experience for you and the baby. You’ve never breastfed before and the baby’s never breastfed before, so a ton of patience. And a lot of dedication because it’s easy to just give up and be like ‘Ugh, this is not working.’ With my friend Tia, I know with her first baby she was having problems producing enough milk and I was like ‘It’s ok if you’re not “ I was trying to tell her ‘It’s ok if you need support’ . And I just talked to her a few days ago and she told me breastfeeding was going good for her the second time around. But I was like ‘Tia, it’s ok if it’s not working,’ like I know it hurts a mom when they can’t produce, but if they try that’s the best thing. Making the decision that works for all involved is absolutely fine.

Kyah’s oldest little one Kennedy!

Kyah is pictured on the right and 3 month old Jace is on the left!